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October 23, 2019

Delivery Blues


I had a pretty easy pregnancy period. I went to office till my 7th month. Took a 4h long flight, then a 5h long train journey, I attended three important weddings with almost no issues.After my last scan, when the doctor announced that I had to be admitted and prepared for a C-section, frankly speaking I was more than happy. From the experiences of mommy-friends, I dreaded the labour pain. But then started the never ending saga of questions from ‘concerned acquaintances’.

Why a C-section?

Why ‘that’ hospital ?

Why so many days?

Why this, why that… did she..? Does she…?

That was just the beginning of what triggered the ‘new me’ .
After delivery, Abu would not stop crying the first couple of nights, we jumped into the conclusion that I didn’t have enough milk, he is hungry and gave him formula. Abu was a very cranky baby, and the reason for all his tantrums was easily concluded as “he is not getting enough milk”. Each and everyone who visited offered tips and tricks and a list of ‘should have done’ stuff . However, the doctors and nurses assured that everything is fine with me and the baby, but their voices often went unheard. I blamed myself, I apologised to my baby, I blasted at my mom (Sorry ma). Until, Abu’s first checkup I myself thought that he is not getting enough milk and maybe I should switch to formula milk. But thankfully, his weight gain in the first month was quite impressive. That’s when I finally had confidence to stick on to the ‘only breast milk’ for the first 6 months.
If there was one thing, that l could go back and change that would be my own behaviour post delivery. There are enough excuses but looking back, I wish I had been a bit more calm, a little less fussy, not at all rude, not impatient..
But I was all this, and I hate myself for that. I had put myself through a lot of unnecessary stress based on what I heard about me or my body. This affected my moods, the people around me and made the first few days with my baby kind of “I don’t wanna think about it”. I thought it was just me who was going through all this because I had done something terribly wrong. That I didn’t take enough care. I wish I had known that it takes a while for the body to get adjusted and start producing enough milk, that there is something known as the correct latch’ where in both the baby and the mother can nurse with absolute ease.
Days later, discussing this with my friends, I realised that most of us had to go through a similar phase. Of advices, the should-have-done tasks and all the fuss. Having a C-section, an underweight baby and anything of this sort triggers a never ending saga of questions and unsolicited advices. The numerous do’s and dont’s meant for the new role and the expections maybe too overwhelming. For some of us, the haunting memories of pregnancy and delivery are not confined to just the physical pain, but the emotional stress that follows too.

As much as we would love to get the earliest look of the new born,  let’s be considerate about the new mommy too. She needs rest, she needs some time for herself. Keep the visits short. Do not overwhelm her with your mom-experience. Unless asked for, try to keep yourself  from advising.
So to all the to-be mommies, It’s all in the game. Trust your doctors and stick to their advises. When you are flooded with options, tips and tricks, the easiest way out is ” But the Doctor said….”(Trust me, that works.) ?

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